Sunday, January 17, 2016

Fallen into the well

I fell into the bottomless dark pit, the "well of pretending": pretending that everything is great when underneath I'm breaking apart, pretending that I have the most beautiful life when I'm choking onto my worthlessness. Every night I wait until everyone is asleep to let all the tears I've been holding on the whole day. I feel trapped into this dark side of me, being angry all the time, being frustrated not be able to unlock my potential, feeling worthless. Depression weighs hard on me.

When I browse onto the Internet, I take a glimpse into others' life : joy, laughter and love. Oooooh!! How I envy them... My childhood was ok. My parents did tend to primary needs : food/clothes and education. But I don't recall to have been hugged, to be encouraged, ...
Friends, I guess... I have none. I'm always the one who calls just to check in, the one who sends cards just because I was feeling like it, well the one who cares.
As I'm falling into the well, my husband is falling out of love : "get a job", "get the kids ready for school","why are you complaining?, you can have anything you want! I feel unloved and sad, I feel numb inside. It breaks my heart as I'm sinking more deeply. I don't want to hurt the kiddies but I haven't enough strength to snap out of my depression, nor the courage to end my life.

I sought professional help but I haven't found the key to unlock the door. So I keep falling into the abyss. Blogging was a kinda of therapy for me, a way to unload this ball of emotions and to share with people who are going/went through the same thing. So far and as usual, no one was there.
I wish for all my heart to look at this post in a couple of  years and laugh because I tell myself I did it, I overcome my depression instead of a mute crying for help.

Smelting in the sun.

Saturday, January 16, 2016


We headed to Bogato to have a taste of their pastries. A cute and kitschy little shop where you also can buy cake/biscuit moulds and other party accessories and at the back the atelier where they hold also workshops. Original cakes (lego cube, hamburger, etc.) are born in this patisserie My favorite is the 2nd picture up, whose name I forgot. The staff is friendly. The only drawback is far from home. 

From up to down, left to right : Chalala and La Prairie, ? and lego, Domino and Cheesecake.

Thursday, January 14, 2016

Behind the scene

The kindergarten called today saying Little Mowgli is feeling feverish at least 38°C. I went and picked him up. He had a long face and was touching his forehead and belly. "I'm not feeling very well, momski". When we passed the schoolgate, he was singing and hopping. Talk about a sick kid huh! We ate and played till exhaustion. Then Little Mowgli felt asleep on the laundry basket. 
Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Little Mowgli, the stand-up comedian (or the sleeping comedian)! 

Saturday, January 9, 2016

What are you looking for ?

As far as candies are concerned, we have a strict house rules: only candies allowed at parties. Our Highness is not a huge fan of candies. Little Mowgli, he's a candies monster. The problem is we always have candies left from B-day parties which I hide high in the kitchen. Little Mowgli is a good detective, he always finds out. Here caught on camera.

Wednesday, January 6, 2016

A qui?

Les enfants et moi, nous nous sommes levés à 7h15 pour préparer la fameuse galette des rois. Nous avons opté pour la galette à la frangipane en suivant cette recette (ici), facile et rapide. Les enfants ont pris beaucoup de plaisir à célébrer l'Epiphanie et à déguster. Perso, je n'étais pas conquise par le gout. C'est très correct mais pas à tomber de sa chaise. 

Cette année, la reine est Notre Altesse. Et vous, vous avez fait quoi ? 
Pssst, la prochaine fois, je vous montrerai ma boite de collection de fèves.